of Natural Healing & Spiritual Development
Anna Louise May (Maya) 2024
ACHH & WMA Accredited - 11k courses taught worldwide!
Narcissistic Abuse & Self-Addiction: A
Guide for Empaths & Sensitive Souls
What is Narcissistic Personality
Disorder & What are Narcissistic Traits?
Narcissistic personality traits are common to
everyone. We have all experienced moments
where we thought or acted in a way that,
looking back, was selfish, manipulative or
dishonourable. But that’s where narcissistic
traits differ from narcissistic pathology:
someone who has Narcissistic Personality
Disorder has those traits as their default
setting. They don’t look back as an observer
of themselves & feel guilt or regret over their
actions.
For a non-narcissist, being selfish or
occasionally under-hand or dishonest can
certainly be toxic to others – but it’s also
toxic to ourselves because we recognise that
our actions don’t reflect our intentions.
Those negative traits may reflect our need to
create stability in our lives or may reveal our
inability to effectively speak up for
ourselves. In most people, such behaviours
leave us feeling upset with ourselves so we
ultimately learn from our mistakes; we make
the changes we need to & try to heal from
whatever created the vulnerability in the first
place. In that sense, we can consider our
mistakes essential for our growth. It’s only
the discomfort we feel when we act out of
accordance with ourselves that motivates us
to exceed our limitations. When you’re on a
healing journey, seeking out your
unconscious motivations & looking for the
places you need to heal is part of the
process.
For those who are afflicted with Narcissistic
Personality Disorder, their narcissistic traits
are not just mistakes they make on the
healing journey. Their mistakes don’t
motivate them to change because they’re
not able to ever admit to making a mistake!
You’ll often notice they have excuses dressed
up as reasons for everything that goes
wrong in their lives – & often it’s other
people or external circumstances that
provide them with their “get-out-of-jail-free-
card” in their minds. Real narcissists don’t
have the capacity for self-examination. They
lack the depth to develop the kind of self-
awareness that can lead to healing. And
what’s more, they don’t think there’s
anything wrong with them. They look like
adults, but psychologically they’re always
living through the “terrible twos”!
The Destructive Potential of
Relationships with Narcissists for
Empaths
Relationships with narcissists, whether
romantic, friendships, family connections or
professional contacts, always create
problems. But the good news is, energy
vampires like narcissists, are like any other
vampire: they can only get to you, if you let
them in!
Empaths & sensitive people tend to be more
vulnerable to narcissists & the abuse that
they perpetrate because empaths are
receptive to the energy & emotions of those
around them. Spending too much time
around narcissists or those with prevalent
narcissistic traits can change the way the
empath feels, thinks & behaves in ways that
make them more appealing to the narcissist.
The Importance of a Healthy Ego
A healthy ego is a part of our psychological
protection. A healthy ego gives you a sense
of self, more self-esteem & the motivation to
look after yourself. Many empaths neglect to
develop a healthy ego & this increases their
vulnerability around narcissists. Those who
are genuinely narcissists have all of their
consciousness invested into their ego; they
are one-dimensional in that sense & don’t
experience the rich inner life that an empath
does. That’s not psychologically healthy! But
neither is it healthy to neglect the ego &
invest all of our consciousness into the
ephemeral or emotional without taking steps
to make sure we are able to protect
ourselves.
As an empath, you need to remember that
your ego is involved in your self-care
because it’s your ego that creates
boundaries. Those boundaries exist on an
energetic level as well as in a practical
sense. Many empaths’ vulnerability derives
from their lack of boundaries, so learning to
manage life more effectively means learning
how to create boundaries & then maintain
them.
Toxic Empath/Narcissist Dynamics &
the Red Flags of Narcissistic Abuse
When an empath and a narcissist are
connected, the narcissist is continuously
trying to “fill in the blanks” that the empath
“needs” in order to connect with the world in
the ways that feels right for them. An
empath’s energy tends to be very open &
very expansive. Whereas the narcissist’s
energy tends to be very rigid & doesn’t
extend beyond their ego. Even when a
narcissist is acting out or being abusive,
their motivation is usually a perceived threat
to their ego or some kind of damage to the
ego (such as the criticism of another person,
or a mistake they have made). And the
empath runs into a problem by evaluating
the behaviour of the narcissist as if their true
motivation is good but they’re expressing it
badly. They are not! They know what they’re
doing – they just don’t know or care why
they are doing it! Pathologically giving
people the benefit of the doubt is something
empaths have to grapple with in order to
protect themselves effectively! The fact is,
not everyone deserves the benefit of the
doubt. And even if the person you’re finding
challenging isn’t an outright narcissist, if
they have narcissistic traits that they’re not
trying to resolve, they’re not ready to heal &
there is nothing you can do to heal them.
Enabling their bad behaviour doesn’t make
you compassionate, loving or kind – it
makes you an accessory to their crimes.
Narcissism (Self-Addiction) & Addiction
in Non-Narcissists
A way to understand this phenomenon is to
think about people who are currently
experiencing addiction. I want to use that as
an example because what one person thinks
of as an addiction, another person might
not. It can be very subjective. And addiction
is usually much more about compulsive
behaviour that comes from unconscious &
unhealed parts of ourselves than it is about
whatever the object of our obsession is.
Addiction could be to over-eating, substance
abuse, toxic relationships, exercise etc.
Occasional indulgence is not the same as
feeling or being unable to stop. When
someone is experiencing addiction, their life
can feel very fragile & often, in trying to
manage unmanageable feelings that derive
from their high sensitivity, they can start to
appear insensitive & selfish. If an addiction
is bad enough & goes on long enough, the
addict may appear to be quite narcissistic.
And that’s what life is like for actual
narcissists – they operate like someone who
is going through addiction. But their
addiction is their image/ego. They are
completely invested in it & will lie, cheat,
steal or destroy your life in order to maintain
their mask.
However, there is one important difference
here: self-awareness. The addict is usually
motivated by a need to get away from
painful feelings or trauma – and, when
they’re ready, they can be helped to resolve
that negative stimulus in a more progressive
way through counselling & other therapies.
We can understand that when someone’s in
that kind of struggle, they can only be
helped when they’re ready. You can’t force
an addict to heal by just taking their drug
away because the addict needs to be ready
to deal with their feelings – otherwise the
addiction might just transfer to a new habit.
And until they are ready to address the
deeper feelings, the only way forward is to
support them but with very, very strong
boundaries. For example, making it clear
that you love & support them but you will
not love & support their addiction. If they
want help to change you will help them but
you won’t help them to stay the same.
Perhaps that person won’t ever heal – but
perhaps if they want to, your healthy
boundaries will mean that one day, they
have someone they can talk to who sees
them as separate from their addiction.
For a narcissist though, the addiction is
themselves & they don’t see themselves as
separate from it at all. They have no
perspective that allows them to step outside
of themselves to appreciate the bigger
picture. That’s why misguided attempts to
help them or support them drain the empath
& reinforce the narcissist's negative
behaviour. Narcissists operate like people
who are actively in their addiction. But
where an addiction to food would have
consequences for your appearance & health
that might motivate you to change; or where
an addiction to alcohol might lead to physical
disease that forces you to address the issue,
addiction to yourself as a narcissist doesn’t
create the kinds of consequences that can
motivate a narcissist to change & heal. For
them, the meaning of life is their addiction
to self & everything & everyone else around
them is a “runner-up”. They see the damage
they do to others, but they don’t empathise,
sympathise or care enough for it to mean
anything at all to them.
Steps for Healing & Energy Protection
for Empaths that Experience Narcissistic
Abuse
So, what can you do? The main thing you
can do is educate yourself so that you
recognise the red flags of narcissistic
behaviour & learn to operate from the
position of not enabling their addiction-to-
self. Work on your own issues by developing
your confidence & self-esteem so that you
can progress your own healing journey.
Recognise your vulnerabilities because that’s
the part you can do something about. You
can’t change how a narcissist acts, but you
can change how you respond. Learn to
create boundaries & recognise that not
everyone you meet is deserving of your time
& attention. If you’re a people-pleaser, this
can be difficult, but recognising that your
tendency to validate those around you & to
prioritise their feelings over your own might
be a bit self-destructive, can help you to
start making small changes that lead to big
differences.
There are also some great energy healing
modalities that can be helpful for empaths
learning to manage their spiritual gift of
empathy:
Archangel Gabriel’s Empath Encoding
Dark Moon Mother Protection
Goddess Diana’s Mirror Shield
Activation
Light Sanctuary Activation
Additionally, magickal options like the
Killing Moon Karmic Reversal 30-Day
Ritual Intensive can be used to eliminate
negative karmic bonds. Karmic bonds are
those energetic ties that connect us with
people, places, things, memories, habits &
trauma. They are reinforced by us & by
those around us. People who are very
narcissistic create a lot of karmic bonds that
deplete our energy & when we lack
boundaries, we tend to reinforce those
harmful energetic connections. This
phenomenon is discussed more in another
Mayastar article: “Energetic Protection
from Narcissists, Energy Vampires &
Black Magick (Home, Healing &
Boundaries)”
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