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Narcissistic Abuse & Self-Addiction: A Guide for Empaths & Sensitive

Souls

What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder & What are Narcissistic

Traits?

Narcissistic personality traits are common to everyone. We have all experienced moments where we thought or acted in a way that, looking back, was selfish, manipulative or dishonourable. But that’s where narcissistic traits differ from narcissistic pathology: someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder has those traits as their default setting. They don’t look back as an observer of themselves & feel guilt or regret over their actions. For a non-narcissist, being selfish or occasionally under-hand or dishonest can certainly be toxic to others – but it’s also toxic to ourselves because we recognise that our actions don’t reflect our intentions. Those negative traits may reflect our need to create stability in our lives or may reveal our inability to effectively speak up for ourselves. In most people, such behaviours leave us feeling upset with ourselves so we ultimately learn from our mistakes; we make the changes we need to & try to heal from whatever created the vulnerability in the first place. In that sense, we can consider our mistakes essential for our growth. It’s only the discomfort we feel when we act out of accordance with ourselves that motivates us to exceed our limitations. When you’re on a healing journey, seeking out your unconscious motivations & looking for the places you need to heal is part of the process. For those who are afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, their narcissistic traits are not just mistakes they make on the healing journey. Their mistakes don’t motivate them to change because they’re not able to ever admit to making a mistake! You’ll often notice they have excuses dressed up as reasons for everything that goes wrong in their lives – & often it’s other people or external circumstances that provide them with their “get- out-of-jail-free-card” in their minds. Real narcissists don’t have the capacity for self-examination. They lack the depth to develop the kind of self- awareness that can lead to healing. And what’s more, they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them. They look like adults, but psychologically they’re always living through the “terrible twos”!

The Destructive Potential of Relationships with Narcissists for

Empaths

Relationships with narcissists, whether romantic, friendships, family connections or professional contacts, always create problems. But the good news is, energy vampires like narcissists, are like any other vampire: they can only get to you, if you let them in! Empaths & sensitive people tend to be more vulnerable to narcissists & the abuse that they perpetrate because empaths are receptive to the energy & emotions of those around them. Spending too much time around narcissists or those with prevalent narcissistic traits can change the way the empath feels, thinks & behaves in ways that make them more appealing to the narcissist.

The Importance of a Healthy Ego

A healthy ego is a part of our psychological protection. A healthy ego gives you a sense of self, more self-esteem & the motivation to look after yourself. Many empaths neglect to develop a healthy ego & this increases their vulnerability around narcissists. Those who are genuinely narcissists have all of their consciousness invested into their ego; they are one-dimensional in that sense & don’t experience the rich inner life that an empath does. That’s not psychologically healthy! But neither is it healthy to neglect the ego & invest all of our consciousness into the ephemeral or emotional without taking steps to make sure we are able to protect ourselves. As an empath, you need to remember that your ego is involved in your self- care because it’s your ego that creates boundaries. Those boundaries exist on an energetic level as well as in a practical sense. Many empaths’ vulnerability derives from their lack of boundaries, so learning to manage life more effectively means learning how to create boundaries & then maintain them.

Toxic Empath/Narcissist Dynamics & the Red Flags of Narcissistic

Abuse

When an empath and a narcissist are connected, the narcissist is continuously trying to “fill in the blanks” that the empath “needs” in order to connect with the world in the ways that feels right for them. An empath’s energy tends to be very open & very expansive. Whereas the narcissist’s energy tends to be very rigid & doesn’t extend beyond their ego. Even when a narcissist is acting out or being abusive, their motivation is usually a perceived threat to their ego or some kind of damage to the ego (such as the criticism of another person, or a mistake they have made). And the empath runs into a problem by evaluating the behaviour of the narcissist as if their true motivation is good but they’re expressing it badly. They are not! They know what they’re doing – they just don’t know or care why they are doing it! Pathologically giving people the benefit of the doubt is something empaths have to grapple with in order to protect themselves effectively! The fact is, not everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. And even if the person you’re finding challenging isn’t an outright narcissist, if they have narcissistic traits that they’re not trying to resolve, they’re not ready to heal & there is nothing you can do to heal them. Enabling their bad behaviour doesn’t make you compassionate, loving or kind – it makes you an accessory to their crimes.

Narcissism (Self-Addiction) & Addiction in Non-Narcissists

A way to understand this phenomenon is to think about people who are currently experiencing addiction. I want to use that as an example because what one person thinks of as an addiction, another person might not. It can be very subjective. And addiction is usually much more about compulsive behaviour that comes from unconscious & unhealed parts of ourselves than it is about whatever the object of our obsession is. Addiction could be to over-eating, substance abuse, toxic relationships, exercise etc. Occasional indulgence is not the same as feeling or being unable to stop. When someone is experiencing addiction, their life can feel very fragile & often, in trying to manage unmanageable feelings that derive from their high sensitivity, they can start to appear insensitive & selfish. If an addiction is bad enough & goes on long enough, the addict may appear to be quite narcissistic. And that’s what life is like for actual narcissists – they operate like someone who is going through addiction. But their addiction is their image/ego. They are completely invested in it & will lie, cheat, steal or destroy your life in order to maintain their mask. However, there is one important difference here: self-awareness. The addict is usually motivated by a need to get away from painful feelings or trauma – and, when they’re ready, they can be helped to resolve that negative stimulus in a more progressive way through counselling & other therapies. We can understand that when someone’s in that kind of struggle, they can only be helped when they’re ready. You can’t force an addict to heal by just taking their drug away because the addict needs to be ready to deal with their feelings – otherwise the addiction might just transfer to a new habit. And until they are ready to address the deeper feelings, the only way forward is to support them but with very, very strong boundaries. For example, making it clear that you love & support them but you will not love & support their addiction. If they want help to change you will help them but you won’t help them to stay the same. Perhaps that person won’t ever heal – but perhaps if they want to, your healthy boundaries will mean that one day, they have someone they can talk to who sees them as separate from their addiction. For a narcissist though, the addiction is themselves & they don’t see themselves as separate from it at all. They have no perspective that allows them to step outside of themselves to appreciate the bigger picture. That’s why misguided attempts to help them or support them drain the empath & reinforce the narcissist's negative behaviour. Narcissists operate like people who are actively in their addiction. But where an addiction to food would have consequences for your appearance & health that might motivate you to change; or where an addiction to alcohol might lead to physical disease that forces you to address the issue, addiction to yourself as a narcissist doesn’t create the kinds of consequences that can motivate a narcissist to change & heal. For them, the meaning of life is their addiction to self & everything & everyone else around them is a “runner-up”. They see the damage they do to others, but they don’t empathise, sympathise or care enough for it to mean anything at all to them.

Steps for Healing & Energy Protection for Empaths that Experience

Narcissistic Abuse

So, what can you do? The main thing you can do is educate yourself so that you recognise the red flags of narcissistic behaviour & learn to operate from the position of not enabling their addiction-to-self. Work on your own issues by developing your confidence & self-esteem so that you can progress your own healing journey. Recognise your vulnerabilities because that’s the part you can do something about. You can’t change how a narcissist acts, but you can change how you respond. Learn to create boundaries & recognise that not everyone you meet is deserving of your time & attention. If you’re a people-pleaser, this can be difficult, but recognising that your tendency to validate those around you & to prioritise their feelings over your own might be a bit self-destructive, can help you to start making small changes that lead to big differences. There are also some great energy healing modalities that can be helpful for empaths learning to manage their spiritual gift of empathy: Archangel Gabriel’s Empath Encoding Dark Moon Mother Protection Goddess Diana’s Mirror Shield Activation Light Sanctuary Activation Additionally, magickal options like the Killing Moon Karmic Reversal 30- Day Ritual Intensive can be used to eliminate negative karmic bonds. Karmic bonds are those energetic ties that connect us with people, places, things, memories, habits & trauma. They are reinforced by us & by those around us. People who are very narcissistic create a lot of karmic bonds that deplete our energy & when we lack boundaries, we tend to reinforce those harmful energetic connections. This phenomenon is discussed more in another Mayastar article: “Energetic Protection from Narcissists, Energy Vampires & Black Magick (Home, Healing & Boundaries) Go to... Articles Menu
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Anna Louise May (Maya) 2022
Maya Muses - Week-Ahead Spiritual Guidance Tarot Readings for the Collective every Monday Maya Magickal - Tailored Spells, Healing & Magickal Intensives Mayastar Facebook - Twitter - YouTube - Linkedin - Maya’s Art - Instagram - ALM (Maya) FB - Pinterest - Tumblr - Wordpress Join the mailing list or email Maya with your enquiry at: mayastar@mayastar.net Personalised Package Discount Info... If you wish to purchase 3 or more courses at one time, please email me with your order to benefit from the Personalised Package Discount. This is 20% off for 3 or more options; 25% off for 6 or more; and 30% off for 10 or more. A Personalised Package may include courses from Mayastar Academy and magickal workings from Maya Magickal. If you would like advice on the options that would be most suitable for you, please email me. Payment Information: Personalised Packages, Exchange Rates & Monthly Payment Plans Testimonials & Reviews Code of Ethics, Terms of Use & Privacy Policy
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ACHH & WMA Accredited - 10k courses taught worldwide!
Narcissistic Abuse & Self-Addiction: A Guide for Empaths & Sensitive Souls What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder & What are Narcissistic Traits? Narcissistic personality traits are common to everyone. We have all experienced moments where we thought or acted in a way that, looking back, was selfish, manipulative or dishonourable. But that’s where narcissistic traits differ from narcissistic pathology: someone who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder has those traits as their default setting. They don’t look back as an observer of themselves & feel guilt or regret over their actions. For a non-narcissist, being selfish or occasionally under-hand or dishonest can certainly be toxic to others – but it’s also toxic to ourselves because we recognise that our actions don’t reflect our intentions. Those negative traits may reflect our need to create stability in our lives or may reveal our inability to effectively speak up for ourselves. In most people, such behaviours leave us feeling upset with ourselves so we ultimately learn from our mistakes; we make the changes we need to & try to heal from whatever created the vulnerability in the first place. In that sense, we can consider our mistakes essential for our growth. It’s only the discomfort we feel when we act out of accordance with ourselves that motivates us to exceed our limitations. When you’re on a healing journey, seeking out your unconscious motivations & looking for the places you need to heal is part of the process. For those who are afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, their narcissistic traits are not just mistakes they make on the healing journey. Their mistakes don’t motivate them to change because they’re not able to ever admit to making a mistake! You’ll often notice they have excuses dressed up as reasons for everything that goes wrong in their lives – & often it’s other people or external circumstances that provide them with their “get-out-of-jail-free- card” in their minds. Real narcissists don’t have the capacity for self-examination. They lack the depth to develop the kind of self- awareness that can lead to healing. And what’s more, they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them. They look like adults, but psychologically they’re always living through the “terrible twos”! The Destructive Potential of Relationships with Narcissists for Empaths Relationships with narcissists, whether romantic, friendships, family connections or professional contacts, always create problems. But the good news is, energy vampires like narcissists, are like any other vampire: they can only get to you, if you let them in! Empaths & sensitive people tend to be more vulnerable to narcissists & the abuse that they perpetrate because empaths are receptive to the energy & emotions of those around them. Spending too much time around narcissists or those with prevalent narcissistic traits can change the way the empath feels, thinks & behaves in ways that make them more appealing to the narcissist. The Importance of a Healthy Ego A healthy ego is a part of our psychological protection. A healthy ego gives you a sense of self, more self-esteem & the motivation to look after yourself. Many empaths neglect to develop a healthy ego & this increases their vulnerability around narcissists. Those who are genuinely narcissists have all of their consciousness invested into their ego; they are one-dimensional in that sense & don’t experience the rich inner life that an empath does. That’s not psychologically healthy! But neither is it healthy to neglect the ego & invest all of our consciousness into the ephemeral or emotional without taking steps to make sure we are able to protect ourselves. As an empath, you need to remember that your ego is involved in your self-care because it’s your ego that creates boundaries. Those boundaries exist on an energetic level as well as in a practical sense. Many empaths’ vulnerability derives from their lack of boundaries, so learning to manage life more effectively means learning how to create boundaries & then maintain them. Toxic Empath/Narcissist Dynamics & the Red Flags of Narcissistic Abuse When an empath and a narcissist are connected, the narcissist is continuously trying to “fill in the blanks” that the empath “needs” in order to connect with the world in the ways that feels right for them. An empath’s energy tends to be very open & very expansive. Whereas the narcissist’s energy tends to be very rigid & doesn’t extend beyond their ego. Even when a narcissist is acting out or being abusive, their motivation is usually a perceived threat to their ego or some kind of damage to the ego (such as the criticism of another person, or a mistake they have made). And the empath runs into a problem by evaluating the behaviour of the narcissist as if their true motivation is good but they’re expressing it badly. They are not! They know what they’re doing – they just don’t know or care why they are doing it! Pathologically giving people the benefit of the doubt is something empaths have to grapple with in order to protect themselves effectively! The fact is, not everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. And even if the person you’re finding challenging isn’t an outright narcissist, if they have narcissistic traits that they’re not trying to resolve, they’re not ready to heal & there is nothing you can do to heal them. Enabling their bad behaviour doesn’t make you compassionate, loving or kind – it makes you an accessory to their crimes. Narcissism (Self-Addiction) & Addiction in Non-Narcissists A way to understand this phenomenon is to think about people who are currently experiencing addiction. I want to use that as an example because what one person thinks of as an addiction, another person might not. It can be very subjective. And addiction is usually much more about compulsive behaviour that comes from unconscious & unhealed parts of ourselves than it is about whatever the object of our obsession is. Addiction could be to over-eating, substance abuse, toxic relationships, exercise etc. Occasional indulgence is not the same as feeling or being unable to stop. When someone is experiencing addiction, their life can feel very fragile & often, in trying to manage unmanageable feelings that derive from their high sensitivity, they can start to appear insensitive & selfish. If an addiction is bad enough & goes on long enough, the addict may appear to be quite narcissistic. And that’s what life is like for actual narcissists – they operate like someone who is going through addiction. But their addiction is their image/ego. They are completely invested in it & will lie, cheat, steal or destroy your life in order to maintain their mask. However, there is one important difference here: self-awareness. The addict is usually motivated by a need to get away from painful feelings or trauma – and, when they’re ready, they can be helped to resolve that negative stimulus in a more progressive way through counselling & other therapies. We can understand that when someone’s in that kind of struggle, they can only be helped when they’re ready. You can’t force an addict to heal by just taking their drug away because the addict needs to be ready to deal with their feelings – otherwise the addiction might just transfer to a new habit. And until they are ready to address the deeper feelings, the only way forward is to support them but with very, very strong boundaries. For example, making it clear that you love & support them but you will not love & support their addiction. If they want help to change you will help them but you won’t help them to stay the same. Perhaps that person won’t ever heal – but perhaps if they want to, your healthy boundaries will mean that one day, they have someone they can talk to who sees them as separate from their addiction. For a narcissist though, the addiction is themselves & they don’t see themselves as separate from it at all. They have no perspective that allows them to step outside of themselves to appreciate the bigger picture. That’s why misguided attempts to help them or support them drain the empath & reinforce the narcissist's negative behaviour. Narcissists operate like people who are actively in their addiction. But where an addiction to food would have consequences for your appearance & health that might motivate you to change; or where an addiction to alcohol might lead to physical disease that forces you to address the issue, addiction to yourself as a narcissist doesn’t create the kinds of consequences that can motivate a narcissist to change & heal. For them, the meaning of life is their addiction to self & everything & everyone else around them is a “runner-up”. They see the damage they do to others, but they don’t empathise, sympathise or care enough for it to mean anything at all to them. Steps for Healing & Energy Protection for Empaths that Experience Narcissistic Abuse So, what can you do? The main thing you can do is educate yourself so that you recognise the red flags of narcissistic behaviour & learn to operate from the position of not enabling their addiction-to- self. Work on your own issues by developing your confidence & self-esteem so that you can progress your own healing journey. Recognise your vulnerabilities because that’s the part you can do something about. You can’t change how a narcissist acts, but you can change how you respond. Learn to create boundaries & recognise that not everyone you meet is deserving of your time & attention. If you’re a people-pleaser, this can be difficult, but recognising that your tendency to validate those around you & to prioritise their feelings over your own might be a bit self-destructive, can help you to start making small changes that lead to big differences. There are also some great energy healing modalities that can be helpful for empaths learning to manage their spiritual gift of empathy: Archangel Gabriel’s Empath Encoding Dark Moon Mother Protection Goddess Diana’s Mirror Shield Activation Light Sanctuary Activation Additionally, magickal options like the Killing Moon Karmic Reversal 30-Day Ritual Intensive can be used to eliminate negative karmic bonds. Karmic bonds are those energetic ties that connect us with people, places, things, memories, habits & trauma. They are reinforced by us & by those around us. People who are very narcissistic create a lot of karmic bonds that deplete our energy & when we lack boundaries, we tend to reinforce those harmful energetic connections. This phenomenon is discussed more in another Mayastar article: “Energetic Protection from Narcissists, Energy Vampires & Black Magick (Home, Healing & Boundaries) Go to... Articles Menu